My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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