Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
