Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
