Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
