Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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