Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
