It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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