Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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