there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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