Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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