'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
