I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
