Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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