All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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