mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
