blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
