you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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