dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
