You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
