You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
