I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
