Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
