im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
