HIV tests are more positive than that guy
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I had to cum in my sink.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
