I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
