how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My feet surprised me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
