Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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