I'm going to jail i love you
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
