I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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