My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
don't judge my taste in strippers
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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