i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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