Me. At least after what I've been through.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
