I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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