Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
