Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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