Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
