i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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