TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
