Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
