An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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