I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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