I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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