The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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