You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
