Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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