2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
