Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
