The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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