sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
