I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
