It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
