Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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