Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
