she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
