So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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